


Maybe I miss you (Phan)

by Misha_with_wings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Banter, Comforting, Crying, Cuddling, Cute, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Director Phil, Emotional, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Fluffy Smut, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hidden Feelings, Hugs, Kissing, Laughter, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Original Characters - Freeform, Phan - Freeform, Phone Calls, Sharing beds, Skype calls, Smut, Youtuber dan and phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 11:02:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14543319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_with_wings/pseuds/Misha_with_wings
Summary: Phil leaves Dan for several months to temporarily live in New York City and work on a movie set.The distance between them drove them both insane, but neither of them could voice the reason why.When Dan comes to visit Phil in New York his feelings are threatened to spill after an encounter with one of Phil's new friends, but he keeps lying- to both Phil and himself.Hopefully he can eventually tell the truth, because Phil gets another long-term job opportunity in California and Dan can't take any more distance.-Miles from home, forever from you-





	Maybe I miss you (Phan)

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope people like this. I started writing it after I woke up and didn't stop until it was completed. 
> 
> I'm pretty proud of it, so enjoy :)

Missing someone was hell, Dan had no other way to describe it. 

He never did take being alone very well, and this time he was completely alone. 

He had no idea when Phil was coming back, he hadn't gotten a phone call from him in a week and they hadn't had a skype call in a month. 

It felt like 2009 all over again, all those months in between meetings when they could only Skype and miss each other. 

Phil had gone off to New York City to work on some project. Apparently it was with some big movie, Phil had never been so excited. 

Dan remembers when Phil told him, how happy he was. 

 

.....

 

"Dan! Dan Dan-" Phil pretty much bounds into the lounge like a hyperactive puppy. 

Dan let's out a small giggle at his friend, "Yes, Phil?" He watches him fondly as he bounces eagerly. 

"I just got asked to help on a movie- in New York City! I'm- I can't breathe oh my god!" Phil squeals and jumps onto the couch beside Dan. 

"That's so great Phil!" Dan smiles at his extremely excited counterpart. 

"I'm so excited- I don't know what I'll be doing yet but they said it's big and they'd be happy to have me!" Phil's smile was so wide and happiness radiated from him. 

Dan felt this weird feeling in his heart, "New York right?" 

"Yeah! I'll have to-" Phil's face suddenly fell. 

"What is it?" Dan asks, he knew what was coming but he was still terrified of what Phil was about to say. 

"I'll have to move to New York for a while..." Phil mumbles, looking down and picking at a loose string on the sofa. 

"Oh." Dan gulps, his mind seemed to stop working for a minute.

"I'll be back though... eventually. Don't worry." Phil tries to give Dan a reassuring smile but Dan just looked sad, pained almost. 

"Yeah... it's okay. I'll live I guess." Dan tries to smile as he playfully nudges Phil's shoulder. 

"I just know how you are when you're alone. All the demons suddenly come out in the dark and try to eat you in your sleep and all the-"

"Okay okay I get it-" Dan tries to ignore thoughts of literal demons eating him when he goes to turn the lights off each night. "How long?" Dan asks with a deep sigh. 

"Anywhere from six months to a year..." Phil says and why did Dan just feel like crying?

"Wow..." Dan lets out a shuddery breath. He really liked having another person in the house- specifically Phil. 

"I mean I don't have to accept-"

"No!" Dan immediately perks up, trying to hide the fact that he'd rather Phil stay. He couldn't be selfish, "No, this is an amazing thing Phil, you deserve this. We can just Skype all the time, like 2009 all over again." Dan shrugs making Phil let out a light laugh. 

"Alright, I don't leave for another two weeks. It was kind of a last minute thing, they said they'd normally give someone more notice. Luckily I don't have a life anyway other than YouTube- shit." 

"What?" Dan asks.

"What are we gonna do about the gaming channel?" Phil asks in reply. 

"We have two weeks until you leave, we could film quite a bit. I'll edit it all I guess- I won't have any other way to spend my time. Or we could just put the gaming channel on hold until you get back." 

"We can film as much as we can, then we'll just space the videos out accordingly." Phil says and Dan nods in silent agreement. 

"You're gonna be away for so long." Dan sighs sadly. 

"I know." Phil glances at Dan, seeing how sad he looked.

Two weeks went by way too quickly. Dan tried not to mope around too much, he spent almost every second of every day glued to Phil's side. He wasn't ever a clingy friend but now clingy is all he wanted to be. 

Dan stepped into Phil's room, watching him gather the last of his things he needed to take. Phil was rushing around and grabbing as many things as he could to stuff into his suitcase. 

"You okay?" Dan asks, watching as Phil's hands literally shake while he zips up the suitcase. 

"I'm just nervous... I'm gonna be all alone in a big city with no friends..." Phil gulps. 

"Hey, you'll be fine." Dan says casually, "I'm sure you'll fit right in, you'll make new friends- just don't forget about the one you already have." 

"I don't think it's possible to forget you don't worry." Phil laughs. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dan pretends to be offended making Phil giggle, "Anyway your car should be here in twenty minutes." 

"Dammit I forgot to book a- wait you-"

"I got a car for you mr panic, don't worry. I noticed you didn't and you've been all stressed out so it's the least I could do." Dan shrugs. 

"Thank you." Phil sighs with relief. 

"It's nothing." Dan shrugs, "You're gonna be fine Phil." 

Phil looks at him, "I know... I'm just- this is all so new and I can feel the pit of anxiety eating away at my insides. This is majorly out of my comfort zone."

"Well if you ever need to talk you know I'm one call away." Dan smiles.

The car arrived about five minutes late and those five minutes made Phil extremely panicky, he was on edge and scared but also excited. He didn't know what feeling was more prominent than the others. 

"I'll help you." Dan grabs one of Phil's bags. 

"Thanks." Phil mutters softly. 

"Do you want me to go to the airport with you?" Dan asks out all in one breath, immediately looking shy. 

Phil quirks an eyebrow, "I mean I don't need you to hold my hand along the way Dan, I know my way around an airport." 

"No like I mean... for company." Dan shrugs, "S-so like you aren't-"

"You want to go." Phil says, Dan nods looking a bit shameful, "Alright." Phil smiles and nudges Dan's shoulder. 

They put everything in the back of the car before climbing into the backseat. 

Dan had nothing but his phone and his Phil, and he'd only be coming back home with one of those things. 

Dammit, Dan thinks as tears brim his eyes. He knows he's always been a very emotional person but he didn't want to cry right now. This was a big thing for Phil, he didn't want to set him back or upset him any further, he was anxious enough. He didn't need Dan to worry about. 

Dan managed to suck it up by the time they reached the airport, the car ride was extremely quiet. They just didn't have anything to say. 

Even sitting at the airport and waiting for Phil's flight to board, they didn't say much. They just sat too close to each other in a comfortable silence. 

"Ten minutes and I gotta go..." Phil sighs. 

Dan swallows thickly, the lump in his throat was growing and his eyes stung with unshed tears. "You're gonna be gone for like a year..."

"Maybe only six months, or any time in between." Phil looks over at Dan, seeing his teary eyes, "Dan..." 

"What? I'm fine." Dan shrugs it off. 

"No you're not." Phil says pointedly.

Dan gulps and sinks down further into the seat, "I just..." he sighs, "I'll really really miss you." 

Phil gives him a small smile, "Yeah I guess I'll miss you too." 

"Don't be a dick." Dan shoves his shoulder and laughs.

"I better head in that direction." Phil stands up, Dan follows suit.

This is it, Dan thinks, this is the last time I'll see Phil in god only knows how long. 

Almost on queue an announcement rings loud and clear that Phil's flight is now boarding. 

Phil looks at Dan for a few more seconds before reaching for his things. 

Then Dan decides to let tears go, he couldn't hold it back. He was sad and he just couldn't help it. 

"Dan!" Phil exclaims, awkwardly looking around at bystanders, luckily they weren't paying any attention. 

"I- I'm fine... just go." Dan shrugs, wiping at his face with his jacket sleeve.

"I'll call you as soon as I land, don't worry." Phil says, hoping that would make Dan feel better. 

Phil sighs before stepping closer to Dan, carefully maneuvering around his carry-on bag. He wraps his arms around Dan and pulls him in.

Dan tries to make a noise of protest but he quickly gives in and hugs Phil back. He manages to cling to Phil and cry into his shoulder for a solid minute whispering, "I'll miss you so much." Before Phil has to reluctantly pull away and step back. 

"I'll miss you too." Phil sighs, picking up his bag, "Now I really have to go." Phil says upon seeing the crowd of people for his flight really far down the corridor. 

"Okay..." Dan says, looking at Phil with a sad expression, "Go have fun okay?"

"I will, promise." 

"Goodbye Phil." Dan says shakily.

"Not goodbye, see you later." Phil gives Dan one last big smile before walking away, Dan stands there and watches until he disappears into another hallway. 

It felt like a scene out of a movie almost, where someone has to say goodbye and then the other leaves and never returns so the person in return spends their days moping around in sadness. 

Dan stared out the car window on the way home, watching raindrops slide down the glass. The sky seemed to be mocking him.

When he got home he just went to bed, not to sleep, just to lay there and do nothing. 

What would he do when he wanted to play a two-player game now? What would he do when he found something funny and wanted to share it with someone? What would he do when Phil doesn't run into his room to show him some cute dog gif at two am? What would he do without having several hour long conversations about literally anything that led to them falling asleep mid-conversation and half hanging off Dan's bed?

Dan sighed into his pillow and pulled the duvet over his head, "Can't I just sleep for six months?" He groans. 

He's awoken from his 'nap' when his phone rings, he didn't realize he slept that long but it's now almost two in the morning. 

"Hello?" 

"Dan!" Phil chirps on the other end of the line, he sounded a bit tired but also excited. "I didn't know if you'd be awake or not."

"Yeah- yeah I'm awake." Dan yawns. 

"I know I've been here before but New York is just so cool, and I'm only just now leaving the airport. I have to stay in a hotel tonight then tomorrow I get to go see the apartment I'll be staying in for however long I'm here. It's so weird, I don't even have to pay for it?"

"That's cool." Dan sighs, "Sounds like you'll be living the life."

"I'm so excited." Phil says, "You sound tired, make sure you sleep well okay?"

Dan releases a deep breath, Phil always cared too much, "I will, it's only like two am."

"It's only nine pm here... I'll have to remember we're in different time zones now." Phil chuckles, "I'll let you sleep okay? I can call you tomorrow if you want me too." 

"Yeah, it's not like I have anything better to do than talk to you." Dan yawns. 

"Alright... goodnight Dan!" Phil chirps. He was too happy sounding for Dan to handle at the moment. 

"Night." Dan says before Phil hangs up. Dan sighs before flinging his phone onto the floor and attempting to go back to sleep.

The first three weeks went okay, mostly because he'd either call or Skype Phil every day. After that Phil really started devoting most of his time to this movie, Dan still didn't know much about it. 

Dan was so used to talking to Phil everyday that it felt weird when a day passed and he couldn't talk to him. It felt like his day was incomplete almost, Phil was usually the only person he ever talked too anyway because he never left the house so it's like he wasn't getting any human contact whatsoever. 

Dan sighs when his phone dings with a text.

Phil: I have to work late tonight, won't be able to Skype

Dan sighs before just sending ok in reply. He missed Phil. 

Then he eventually got used to not hearing from Phil at all. He never got a call, not even a text. 

Obviously Phil wasn't obligated to talk to him everyday. 

Phil: wanna Skype? Got the day off

Dan replied with yeah before bolting to grab his laptop from his bedroom. He flops onto the sofa in the lounge and gets onto Skype as fast as he can, immediately answering the incoming call from Phil. 

"Hiii!" Phil jumps into shot of the small webcam. 

Dan giggles lightly, "Hello." 

"You look tired." Phil immediately points out. 

"Wow thanks."

"You better be taking care of yourself-"

"Alright mother." Dan rolls his eyes. 

"And my houseplants!" Phil adds, ignoring Dan's sass. 

"Your houseplants are more alive than ever, I think that says something. Something like you are a murderer." Dan laughs. 

"Shut up! They miss me and I know it." 

"Sure." Dan says, "Your apartment looks pretty swanky." 

"You have no idea!" Phil immediately perks up, completely excited, "I'm living my penthouse dreams!" 

"Penthouse? Wow they treat you well on that movie set don't they?"

"Oh yeah, also I can literally get all the free Starbucks I want." Phil picks up his laptop and carries it somewhere. 

"So you're always on a caffeine high basically?"

"Who needs sleep?" Phil shrugs, "Check this out." Phil holds the laptop to show the view of New York City behind him. 

"Holy shit- you are living your best life aren't you?" Dan smiles, he felt a weird pang in his heart because Phil was so happy and full of life and Dan in return felt sad and he just wanted Phil to come back. 

"This is my dream. I get treated like actual royalty, being an assistant director has perks." 

"So you're having fun?" Dan asks. 

"Oh yeah! This is the best time of my life!" Phil exclaims. Dan feels a his heart swell with pain. "Well other than the fun times I've had with you." Dan's heart felt better. 

"I miss you." Dan sighs. 

"I miss you too. I miss just being home and laughing about stupid Tumblr posts with you... here it's almost all work and no play." 

"Well what-" Dan is cut off by a doorbell. 

"Hold that thought." Phil sets the laptop down and Dan can hear him running across the floor. He hears a door open shortly followed by another voice. Phil appears again a few seconds later, "It's just my set buddy." 

"Set buddy?" Dan asks in confusion.

"Yeah I've made some friends, don't be shocked. Sometimes awkwardness gets you friends." Phil laughs. 

"Especially when you spill a coffee on them." An unknown voice speaks off webcam. 

"Come here." Phil pulls a guy into shot. 

He was shorter than Phil by a bit and he was adorable in the most obnoxious way. Dan instantly felt jealous, jealous of his curly sandy blonde hair, jealous of his warm hazel eyes. Dan didn't like him, and he didn't even know him. 

"Dan this is Ryan, Ryan this is Dan." Phil says, Dan doesn't say anything. 

"Oh! This is who you talk about all the time!" Ryan says cheerily, he seemed to match Phil's level of general happiness.

Dan felt a bit smug. That's right, Dan thinks, Phil is MY best friend. 

"Yep." Phil gives Dan a warm smile.

"Nice to finally- kind of- meet you. Even if it is over a Skype call." Ryan smiles. 

Dammit why is he so nice, Dan thinks. "Yeah, glad to know Phil's actually making friends."

Phil rolls his eyes, "Don't worry Dan you're still my favorite." 

Hearing Phil say that out loud made Dan feel so much better- especially in front of Ryan. 

Ryan stayed around the whole Skype call with Phil and Dan was beginning to feel left out. 

For one, Phil put most of his attention on Ryan and they talked over Dan a lot, and for two, Ryan was trying too hard to flirt with Phil who obviously wasn't picking up on it. 

"I think I'm gonna go." Dan says after ten minutes of being ignored. 

"No- wait!" Phil says, "I forgot I have something to ask you."

"Yeah?" Dan asks with a sad sigh. 

"I know it's late notice but at the end of next week do you wanna fly here and stay for a few days? There's a break in filming so I have a week off then." 

"Yes!" Dan replies excitedly, "I can go book a plane ticket right now."

"Okay! You can stay here with me. I have plenty of room, this penthouse is huge." Phil smiles. 

Soon after that they hang up the Skype call and Dan immediately goes to book a flight. He missed Phil so much, and in about ten days he'd be seeing him in real life for the first time since he left two months ago. 

Those ten days went by slowly and Dan hated it- but now he was in an airport ready to board his flight and all was good. In a few hours he'd be seeing Phil again. 

Phil was sitting impatiently in the airport waiting for Dan, his flight should be landing any minute now and he should be getting a text from Dan. He just wanted it to hurry. 

Dan: just got off

Phil chuckled immaturely at the wording of that message. 

Phil: wow dan tmi

Dan: I mean I just landed you fucking spork

Phil walked around looking for Dan for like ten minutes before seeing him walking along, dragging a suitcase behind him. 

Phil doesn't know what came over him but he ran full speed towards Dan and forcefully attack hugged him from behind. Dan screamed and dropped everything he was holding as he tried to keep his balance. 

"Hi Dan!" Phil giggles manically as he steps back from Dan, seeing the startled expression on his face. 

Several people were watching the exchange because of Dan's scream but they all quickly went about their business when they realized nobody was dying. 

"I fucking hate you." Dan says, a fond undertone to his voice. 

Phil can't stop giggling, his tongue poking between his teeth adorably. Dan missed that. 

"No you don't!" Phil exclaims. 

Dan rolls his eyes, "I come all this way to see you and I get attacked."

"I missed you is all!" Phil defends his actions. 

Dan shakes his head disapprovingly before sighing, "I missed you too." 

About an hour of terrible New York traffic later, they arrive at Phil's penthouse. It was a fairly small penthouse but for one person it was perfect, the view was still incredible and everything looked expensive. 

"Wow this is a lot nicer in person." 

"Yeah, I've been really careful not to make a mess." Phil says.

"You're living like a king." Dan jokes. 

Phil shrugs, "It's nice but I still prefer being in London with you. That's home, this is just temporary. Even if they do say I could keep this place."

"Huh?" Dan questions.

"Yeah, I'm aloud to just live here if want too stay. I told them no though, I can't stay here any longer than I have too." Phil smiles. 

"Because you miss London." Dan says. 

"No, because I'd miss you." Phil says honestly and shrugs. "I'm so used to spending all of my time with you it's weird to not have you around. I miss showing you dog gifs every day." 

"I miss having you show me dog gifs." Dan chuckles. 

"So." Phil says, "You wanna go explore or anything or should we just chill tonight so you can rest?"

"I just wanna chill out. I miss just being lazy with you." Dan replies. 

"I don't have much of a movie collection here but-"

"I brought our favorites." Dan cuts Phil off. 

Phil gives him a smile, "You're the best."

"I know." 

"Movie night and popcorn in pajamas?" Phil asks. 

"Yep. Like we're teenagers at a slumber party." Dan says and they both laugh. 

They don't even make it to midnight before Dan is falling asleep, his head dropping onto Phil's shoulder. 

"Dan?" Phil nudges him lightly, accidentally making the popcorn bowl fall off his lap, luckily there was nothing but kernels left. 

"Hmm?" Dan hums in reply, he was half asleep. 

"You tired?" Phil asks, already knowing the answer. 

Dan lifts his head from Phil's shoulder and rubs his eyes, he gives Phil a sleepy nod. 

Phil picks up the popcorn from the floor before taking the bowl to the kitchen. 

"You can either sleep in here or you can share-" Phil cuts himself off when he walks back into the lounge and Dan is fast asleep on the couch. "Guess that answers that then." Phil chuckles. He lazily drapes a blanket over his sleeping friend before walking back to his room. 

Dan wakes up in the middle of the night, quietly cursing the sofa. It was extremely comfortable to lay on but it was too short for him to stretch out, maybe that was his fault for being so tall. He debates on just sleeping on the floor before deciding to just go pester Phil to move over. 

He walks into Phil's room, blanket draped around his shoulders, before slipping into bed next to Phil, trying not to wake him. 

"Much better." Dan sighs as he cuddles a pillow. 

Dan wakes up before Phil- surprisingly. 

"Hey." Dan nudges his shoulder gently, waking up Phil was a scary thing considering how grumpy he was in the mornings. 

"Go away." Phil pulls the duvet over his head. 

Dan giggles to himself, "Well good morning to you too sunshine." 

"I'll punch you in the face." 

"Is that a threat or a promise?" Dan asks, quirking an eyebrow even though Phil wasn't looking at him right now. 

Phil's hand flies out from under the duvet to weakly hit Dan's cheek. "It was waiting to happen."

"Wake up." Dan requests. 

"I am up. Reluctantly." Phil says. 

"It's almost noon Phil." 

"This is the first time I've gotten a good sleep in a long time." Phil sighs as he flings the duvet off of him. 

Dan instantly feels kind of bad for waking him up, "Oh, I'm sorry."

"No it's okay." Phil yawns, "Wanna go get breakfast? I literally have no groceries so we can't cook." 

"We slept past breakfast." Dan chuckles, "But yeah. That means you have to get up now Phil." 

"Ugh." 

They find themselves at Starbucks, it was just across the street and surprisingly not busy. 

"Hey Phil!" One of the baristas greet when they walk through the door. 

"How often do you come here?" Dan asks. 

"Several times a day... I live on iced coffee now. It's the diet of 'my people'." Phil says jokingly, Dan rolls his eyes. 

They find themselves in a corner booth sipping on drinks and munching on sandwiches.

Phil was telling Dan about some crazy things that have happened on set.

"Do you like this job Phil?" Dan asks. 

"Yeah. I mean it's fun, really stressful sometimes. I can't wait to get back to London and just do YouTube. This is a good experience though."

"Any idea how much longer you'll be here?" Dan asks, trying not to let on that he wants Phil to come home. 

"It's been two months... I'd say probably six or seven more."

Dan sighs and looks down, "Oh." 

"I'm sure there'll be times when you can come visit me again." Phil smiles reassuringly. 

"You won't stay here forever will you?" Dan asks jokingly, but there was a hint of non-joking there somewhere. 

"Of course not. It's been two much and you know how much I've missed you, I don't think I could stand to be here forever." 

They fall into a small conversation, just talking about small unimportant things and enjoying each other's company. 

"Oh hey, Ryan's here." Phil says, looking past Dan towards the glass doors. 

Dan looks over to see the mildly familiar face. "Great." He mumbles, Phil didn't hear. 

"Phil!" Ryan chirps, his New York accent was strong and was now the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to Dan. Not all NY accents, just Ryan specifically. 

"Hey!" Phil accepts a half-hug from the small blonde guy. 

Dan stared directly into his drink, not looking at Ryan whatsoever. He doesn't know why he was so jealous over nothing. 

"This is Dan, if you remember." Phil smiles and gestures to Dan who really didn't want any attention on him at the moment. 

Dan looks up and awkwardly smiles. 

"How could I forget?" Then Dan was enveloped in an overly friendly hug. He didn't hug back and just awkwardly leaned away from it, not appreciating the contact. 

"It's good to finally meet you in person." Ryan says, scooting in the booth across from Dan and next to Phil even though he wasn't invited. Phil didn't seem to care, Dan did. 

"Yeah. You too." Dan lies. 

Ryan immediately begins ranting about everything he possibly can and Dan wants to slam his face into the table and knock himself out. Can't he just shut up or go somewhere else?

"I really could've used you on set today." Ryan sighs and pouts.

"I wasn't scheduled to be on set." Phil says, sipping his drink. 

"I know but it's boring when it's just me there, Trev always makes me do a million times more work." Ryan rolls his eyes. 

"You are his assistant."

"I know but it's still fun having you around." Ryan nudges Phil. 

Dan wanted to barf, the puppy-love look Ryan was giving Phil made him want to punch something. Phil still didn't seem to notice. 

"I'm not that much fun." Phil shrugs simply. 

"You are! Just listening to you talk is great because your accent is so cute." 

Dan shoots a glare at Ryan, neither Ryan or Phil notice it though. 

Phil laughs and rolls his eyes, "Well thanks." 

"I'm pretty sure Trev is completely done with me now, I kept complaining that I was bored." Ryan laughs. 

"You know he has the ability to fire you." Phil says in amusement. 

"That bitch won't do shit." Ryan rolls his eyes, "He likes teasing me too much." 

"Sounds kinky." Phil jokes. 

"Not like that!" Ryan smacks Phil's shoulder, "Trev isn't even that cute, there's a way cuter person on set anyway."

"Blake?" Phil questions. 

"Ew- oh hell no." Ryan cringes, "Been there done that, not going back." 

Phil laughs lightly, "I'm pretty sure you've been there and done that more than once Ry."

Dan had never felt more like a third wheel in his life. It was like he wasn't even there. 

Ryan checks his phone when it dings, "Trey needs me again, I'll just tell him I'm busy with my bestie he can fuck off." 

Dan audibly growls as he glares at Ryan, his jealousy showing. He coughs to cover it up. 

"You okay?" Phil asks Dan.

"I'm wonderful." Dan leans his head in his hand and sighs huffily. 

Ryan looks at his phone again and Dan manages to see the message on the lock screen before he picks it up. 

"Are you joking?" Dan asks no one in particular. This Trev guy texted back, 'If you want Phil to fuck you just ask him out already, Jesus'. Dan didn't like that one bit, sure he and Phil were just friends but he was still over-protective and filled with jealousy issues. 

"What?" Phil asks.

Ryan's face was bright red, he knows Dan saw it. "I'm gonna go back to set and leave you guys alone."

"Thank god." Dan mutters under his breath. 

Ryan hugs Phil goodbye before scampering away. 

"He's a character." Dan rolls his eyes. 

"I know... sorry he showed up. I didn't expect that." Phil sighs.

"It's not your fault, I'm not mad."

"You sure? You seemed pretty ticked off every time he opened his mouth." Phil scoffs. 

"I did not!" Dan gets defensive. He hated being called out on anything. 

"Dan you literally looked like you were going to kill him when he said I was his 'bestie'." Phil stares at Dan with an expression that said he knew he was right. 

"I don't give a fuck about anything he says." Dan shrugs, avoiding Phil's eyes. 

"Dan what's wrong with you? You were fine until he walked in now you seem tense and pissed off." Phil asks, being genuinely curious. 

"Nothing's wrong okay?!" Dan says a little too loudly, making someone in a different booth glare at him. 

"Dan-"

"Nothing's wrong." Dan says softer, his voice breaking. 

"You aren't mad at me are you?" Phil asks. 

"No, not at you." Dan sighs, he was mad at himself. 

"You just seem weird- you're just acting weird I mean." Phil says, playing with the straw in his cup. 

"I'm-" Dan sighs, feeling a surge of emotions running through him like electricity, "I'm okay."

"You're lying." Phil says, "I know it- I know you." 

"I'm okay god dammit!" Dan yells, accidentally slamming his fist onto the table. He inhales sharply. 

Phil gives him a sad look, "I-"

"Shut up. Just shut up. You don't know anything." Dan slides out of the booth, tears threatening to spill, he angrily throws his cup away as he leaves Starbucks and just starts walking. He doesn't know his way around at all but he doesn't care, he just wanted to find somewhere so he could breathe. 

A few tears slowly fall down his cheeks but he immediately wipes them away, his heart felt heavy. 

Phil was right, something was wrong. Dan just didn't want to talk about it. 

Seeing Ryan and Phil interact in real life put Dan in a bad mood. He didn't think of Ryan as a threat at all but now he wasn't sure. 

If Ryan asked Phil out Dan couldn't even be mad, Phil was just his friend. That's all they will ever be, just friends. That thought made Dan's heart sink further. 

God dammit Phil I love you, Dan thinks. 

He hates that he came all this way only to yell at Phil and storm away from him. He'd go back eventually but he just needed some space right now to calm down. 

He sits on a random bench not far away from Starbucks, he pulls his phone from his pocket. 

No messages. No calls. 

What if he upset Phil? What if he made Phil mad at him? What if Phil never wants to go back to London now?

Dan knows he was being ridiculous but he couldn't help his thoughts. His thoughts controlled themselves. 

Twenty minutes went by before he got a message.

Phil: where are you?

Dan doesn't reply, he doesn't want Phil to come find him. Five more minutes pass. 

Phil: Dan I'm worried... don't get lost okay?

Dan forces himself to not smile and makes himself roll his eyes. He knows he was being stubborn. 

He sits there for an hour, fighting every urge in his body to go back to Phil's place and just apologize for being stupid. 

"Hey." 

Dan wanted to rip his face off the second he heard the voice. 

"Can I sit?" 

"You'll do it anyway so might as well." Dan sighs. 

Ryan sits next to him, "You alright?"

"I'm fine." Dan shrugs. 

"Where's Phil?"

"Not here." 

"You hate me don't you?" Ryan asks. 

"A little bit." Dan says, he felt like a jerk but he could care less at the moment. 

Ryan sighs, "I know I'm annoying sometimes I'm sorry..."

"It's cool." No it wasn't. 

"You don't like me being friends with Phil do you?" Ryan asks cautiously. 

"He can be friends with whoever he wants." Dan shrugs, "He's his own person, I don't own him." Dan looks down at his hands and picks at his nails. He wanted Ryan to just go away. 

"But you're like his brother right?" Ryan asks. 

Dan almost choked on a laugh, "Yeah... no. Not quite."

"Oh." Ryan says, "The way he talks about you just seems very platonic to a related level." 

Dan wanted to snap his neck, "Well we've been best friends for almost like nine years so..." 

"That's a long time." 

"Mhm." Dan hums. 

"Can I ask you something?" Ryan asks. 

"You just did." Dan decides to be an asshole, just because he could. 

Ryan ignores the rudeness, "Do you think Phil would go out with me?" 

Dan almost chokes on air, he takes a second to collect himself, "I dunno, ask him." 

"I'm too scared..." Ryan sighs.

"Why?" Dan didn't actually care. 

"He's so perfect, funny, and altogether amazing... I wouldn't wanna fuck it up. Being around him makes me nervous and I just keep flirting with him to see if he has any reaction but it's like flirting with a brick wall." Ryan says. 

Dan rolls his eyes and emits a small chuckle, "Welcome to my world." 

"Wait... do you like Phil?"

"No." Dan lies.

"Oh. Okay." Ryan replies confusedly, "Could you help me?"

"That's not my place. If you want Phil then go straight to him, I'm not gonna help you. That's pathetic." Dan rolls his eyes. 

"But you know him way better than me..."

"So? If you want Phil then go for it. He deserves someone that's actually brave enough to be straightforward with him." Dan says, if only he could take that advice himself. 

"I mean I don't know. Isn't he straight?" Ryan asks. 

Dan shrugs, "Ask him."

"Wouldn't you know?" Ryan asks. 

"Yeah but why would I tell you? That's his business not mine." Dan rolls his eyes, "You know- you're really pissing me off."

"I just want to get closer to him."

"Then do it dammit! Stop using me as a way to make a move on him because I'm not helping you!" Dan yells. "I hope you don't ask Phil out honestly, he deserves someone way better than you. I don't even know you but I can see you won't be anything good for him." Dan stands up to leave. He begins to walk away. 

"Oh, and you would be?" Ryan says, crossing his arms in a challenging way. 

Dan stops dead in his tracks before spinning around, seeing Ryan standing there. Ryan shrinks back a bit when he sees how much Dan towers over him. 

"You want to question that?" Dan asks, getting angrier and angrier, "Whose been in his life for the past nine years? It sure as hell wasn't you."

"You act like that's an accomplishment." Ryan rolls his eyes, "Poor Dan, you've been living alongside Phil all these years and you're too pussy to make a move and tell him you like him. At least I've been trying since I met him, you're just a coward." 

Dan feels his heartbeat pick up, his hands clench into fists at his sides, "I don't like Phil like that."

Ryan quirks an eyebrow, "Dan." He sighs, "Honey it's so obvious."

"It's not! I don't like him- I-" Dan could feel himself losing control of his senses and he was either about to cry or punch Ryan square in the mouth. 

"You're just upset because deep down you know, if you had even a chance with Phil you'd have had it already." Ryan smirks, knowing he was pushing all of the worst buttons. "Phil will never love you Dan."

"You don't know that." Dan says. 

"I do, and you'll know that when I get him and you don't." Ryan shrugs. 

"You won't."

"I will." 

"You'd be terrible for him. You don't deserve him- he's perfect and lovely... he's everything that you aren't." Dan says. 

"Correction- he's everything that you aren't. You are nothing more than a worthless scumbag full of jealousy." Ryan retaliates. 

"He deserves the fucking world." Dan says, feeling his blood boil in anger, "You aren't that. You're a rude little two-faced asshole."

"I'd be great for him, we'd make a good couple. We could stay in New York and have the time of our lives." Ryan says, "He might not go back to London if I have anything to do with it."

"You can't control him." Dan says, "He's pretty independent, you can't influence his choices or what he wants even if you want too." 

"Unless he falls in love with me."

"You're absolutely mental." Dan scoffs, "You've worked on too many movies, maybe you should try to live in the real world." 

"I do live in the real world. Unlike you."

Dan looks confused. 

"Deep down you think you could still have a chance with Phil. Even after all these years you're deeply enamored by him and amazed with everything he does no matter how much he annoys you, you just love him. I'm good at reading people." 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I wouldn't list reading people as one of your special skills on a resumé buddy because you suck at it." Dan continues to play coy. 

"And you're calling me out for not speaking directly too him about my feelings." Ryan says quietly, like he was making sure only Dan could hear. 

"Your feelings." Dan scoffs softly, "I could actually treat Phil right, unlike you! I'd be fucking great for him, unlike you! I could love him unconditionally and be so devoted to him, unlike you! So drop your shitty attitude!" Dan booms. 

Ryan suddenly smirks, "Phil's your best friend right? Like it would be awkward if he heard you say that?" 

"A bit yeah- why?" Dan looks confused. 

"Dan I can't say I'm sorry." Ryan laughs bitterly. 

Dan cocks his head in confusion before turning around, Phil was standing right there. 

Dan felt his heart melt and disappear. He wanted to crawl in a hole and die, he wanted to cease to exist at this exact moment. 

"Ph-Phil?" Dan asks softly. 

"Umm... I- I was just trying to find you because you weren't answering your phone..." Phil looks away from Dan awkwardly and Dan feels a pang of pain in his chest. 

"I'm sorry I-" 

"I'll see you two later, bye!" Ryan chirps before practically skipping away. 

"Dan I-"

"Don't." Dan cuts him off.

"Okay..." Phil sighs. 

They walk back to Phil's place in silence. 

The second the door shuts Dan could practically feel himself suffocating on the awkwardness. 

This was all such a mess, he wishes he never would've came to New York. 

"Dan." Phil says with a heavy sigh. 

"Phil please don't." Dan practically pleads with a sad broken look in his eyes. 

"You know I heard that." 

"Please don't... please." Dan shakes his head slowly and steps as far from Phil in the room as possible. 

"Dan I need to." 

"N-need to what?" Dan gulps. 

"I just need to ask you something okay? Be honest, nothing's ever gonna change between us, nothing." Phil says, putting emphasis on nothing. 

Dan felt almost sick, "Okay?"

"Do you really- like actually... like me?" Phil asks awkwardly, looking at Dan. 

Dan could either confess or continue lying at this point and a confession wasn't an option right now. 

"No." Dan says. 

"No?" Phil asks.

"No I was just saying those things to get Ryan to back off. You're my best friend and I don't want him to hurt you or anything. I was just being protective." Dan says with a shrug. He was trying so hard to cover his own ass here. 

"Oh." Phil says, "Okay that makes sense. But Dan I'm a big boy you know I can take care of myself- even if an asshole is trying to get with me, I can handle it." He laughs lightly. 

Dan relaxes, Phil bought it, "You aren't mad?"

"No." Phil shrugs simply, "You sure you don't like me?"

"Not in that way, no." Dan lies again. 

"Okay." Phil exhales a deep breath, "Good."

"Good?" Dan feels kind of offended. 

"Yeah. That would be a little weird don't you think?" Phil asks, "We're just friends Dan." Phil laughs lightly and shrugs. 

"Oh, yeah. Right." 

"I just see you as a friend too so I guess that we're both good here." Phil says, unknowingly making Dan break apart on the inside. 

Dan changes the topic away from them, "Did you know Ryan had a crush on you?"

"Oh yeah. I can tell when someone's obviously flirting with me." Phil replies. 

Obviously you can't, Dan thinks. He thinks back to the millions of times he's blatantly flirted with Phil. 

"Do you...?"

"What? Do I like Ryan?" Phil asks, almost laughing, "No Dan, I really don't."

"Oh, that's good." 

"He's a good friend but he wouldn't be a good boyfriend. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole in that way. He's slept with at least ten people on set. He doesn't date he just sleeps around and I'm not like that." 

"He did kind of give me that vibe." Dan shrugs, he was so glad to know Phil didnt like Ryan. 

"How did you two even come across each other?" Phil asks. 

"He just saw me and began harassing me about you. Like he wanted to know everything about you and he got mad when I wouldn't tell him anything. Like if he wanted to know he should ask you instead of leeching off of me." 

"Yeah." Phil sighs, "What did he ask?"

"He asked me to help him get closer to you and I told him no, and he asked me if you were straight which I didn't tell him anything." 

"Thanks for not telling him anything." 

"What kind of friend would I be if I just spilled all of your secrets to a random guy that wants in your pants?" 

"Honestly you're the best." Phil sighs, "What would I do without you?"

"For starters you would have too many twinks trying to get with you." Dan laughs. 

They didn't see Ryan at all the rest of the week, most days they just lounged around and hung out like they do in their London apartment. 

"Don't go silent on me okay?" Phil says as he helps Dan carry his stuff through the airport. 

"I won't." Dan doesn't know if he was telling the truth or not, he just wanted to have some time to think for himself after the whole Ryan fiasco. 

"I'll see you in a month or two- whenever I get another week off... right?" Phil asks. 

"Of course." Dan smiles at him. 

"Hopefully this movie will go quicker than I anticipated so I can come home." Phil sighs. 

Dan sighs when the flight boarding announcement rings loud and clear. "That's me..."

"Okay." Phil says sadly, "C'mere" he holds out his arms. "Don't make me force hug you again." Phil threatens when Dan eyes him wearily. 

Dan rolls his eyes fondly before hugging Phil, "When did you become a hugger?" 

"I'm not! I'll just miss you." Phil laughs, squeezing Dan a little tighter before letting go. 

"People probably think we're a couple departing for a million years." Dan says, looking around at all of the people around them. 

"Eh, screw them." Phil sighs, "Have fun at home in our comfy flat... while I'm here... stuck-"

"You could come with me." Dan shrugs. 

"I can't quit now." Phil says. 

"Just a few more months right?"

"Six months maybe." Phil answers. 

"I'll miss you." Dan tells him again. 

Phil gives him a soft yet sad smile, "See you later." 

"Yeah." Dan sighs before grabbing his bags and walking away. Time to go back home, without Phil. 

Dan felt really bad. Every time Phil wanted to Skype he would make up an excuse like "I have to edit something." Or "I'm not feeling too well." He just couldn't take it. 

After the whole Ryan thing he was scared, he didn't want Phil to find out that he actually did like him. 

Phil: dan you've been avoiding me for a month what's wrong?

Dan: nothing don't worry about me

Phil: I always worry about you

Dan: well stop it

Phil: no

Dan: phil 

Phil: please Skype :(

Dan: okay fine

Phil: yay :)

Dan opens his laptop and waits for the call.

"Hey." Dan says softly. 

"Hey why do you suddenly hate me?" Phil asks jokingly. 

"I don't hate you!" Dan exclaims.

"You've been ignoring me. It makes me sad." Phil pouts. 

"I'm sorry." Dan sighs, "I've been editing a lot." 

"Sure."

"I have!" Dan keeps up with the lie. 

"Editing." Phil says, making finger quotes. 

"What do you think I've been doing then?" Dan glares playfully. 

"I don't wanna think about what you've been doing." Phil giggles. 

"Jesus Christ Phil." Dan facepalms. 

"Anyway I'm bored. I don't really have friends here anymore." Phil sighs and frowns. 

"What happened to twinkle toes?" Dan asks with an eye roll, referring to Ryan. 

"I don't really talk to him anymore, not since he was mean to you. I only talk to him on business." Phil shrugs. 

Dan smirks, "Asshole got what he deserved."

"What did he deserve?"

"Anything other than you." Dan says, he thinks he sees Phil blush but he knows that most certainly didn't happen and it's his mind fooling him. 

"He's with Blake now. Well kind of."

"What do you mean kind of?" Dan asks. 

"Well Trev caught Blake bending Ryan over a table in the break room and they've been together a lot recently. I dunno if they're together or just fuck buddies but I could care less. Ryan isn't trying to get with me anymore so that's all I care about." Phil shrugs. 

"He better leave you alone." Dan says. 

"Or what? You'll fly here and beat him up?" Phil asks with a laugh. 

"Maybe I will!" 

"Aww how sweet of you." Phil says, still laughing adorably. 

God, Dan loves him so much. He can feel it physically pounding away in his heart, Phil is just so great and lovable. 

"Yeah yeah stop being cute." Dan rolls his eyes but Phil immediately stops laughing. 

"Cute?" Phil questions.

"It's just a compliment don't get all gay about it." Dan rolls his eyes, getting defensive. 

Phil looks taken aback, "Excuse me?" 

"Shit..." Dan mutters to himself, "I didn't mean gay like that I-"

"Whatever, forget about it. Moving on." Phil laughs awkwardly. 

"I should get off here..." Dan says, "It's almost three in the morning." 

"Alright... goodnight Dan." Phil gives him a genuine smile. 

"Goodnight." Dan closes his laptop and sighs. 

"I fucking hate myself!" Dan screams into a couch cushion before standing up, "Now I feel much better." 

Calling Phil cute was a major slip-up in his book. 

"Phil is just a friend. He only sees me as a friend." Dan tells himself, he wants to drill it into his head. "Stop trying." 

The next day he ignores Phil's phone call. 

Then within the next week he begins ignoring Phil's texts. 

He didn't want to talk to him, he couldn't. 

Phil thinks he did something wrong, he didn't know what was going on. He had no clue why Dan was suddenly ignoring him, and it kind of hurt him. He missed Dan, Dan knows he missed him and now he was avoiding him. 

Dan had to use more than all of his willpower to not answer Phil at all, he just needed space from him including just talking to him. 

He had done good with ignoring Phil for about a month until he got a text message. 

Phil: Dan can I please call you...

Dan sighed, ignoring it. Then he got another. 

Phil: I had a really really bad day on set... I messed something up and I feel like a worthless human being. I just want to talk to you because that will make me feel better... please don't ignore me. 

Dan: call me

Dan doesn't hesitate and he picks up on the first ring. "What's wrong Phil?" 

"I just... I was distracted and I just broke some really expensive equipment..." Dan hears Phil sniffle a bit, "They said it was fine and they were all super nice about it but I just feel terrible." 

"Don't let it bug you too much... accidents happen." 

"I'm more upset over you though... why are you avoiding me Dan?" 

Phil can hear the halt in Dan's breathing, "Umm, I- its not-"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No!" Dan exclaims. 

"...You don't want me to come home do you?" Phil asks softly, sounding like he was almost scared of the answer. 

"No no no, I really want you to come home." Dan shuts that down instantly. "I miss you a lot okay?" 

"Alright." Phil's voice was soft.

"I'm sorry Phil." Dan sighs. 

"About what?" 

"I feel like an asshole but I just- I can't talk to you right now I can't-" Dan could feel his heart pounding. 

It's like he couldn't hide his secret anymore, not since Ryan pointed it out. Not since Phil almost found out. 

"Dan?" Phil asks, "I just want to talk to you... please." He begs. 

"I-" Dan didn't know what to say. He hung up. 

He ignored it when Phil called him back, he felt terrible. Then he got a text message. 

Phil: wow. Some friend you are. 

Dan had never felt this low. 

Dan: I'm so sorry

Phil: fuck you

Dan: Phil I'm sorry

Dan: Phil?

Dan tried to call him again the next day. 

"What?" Phil's bitter sounding voice asks. 

"Phil I'm sorry." Dan says. 

"No." Phil says, "I don't care!" 

"Phil-"

"I just wanted someone to talk too yesterday, is that really too much of a favor to ask of you?" Phil asks. 

"No..." 

"Apparently it is. You know what if you want to avoid me that's fine. Let me make it easier on you and return the favor!" Phil says angrily before hanging up. 

Dan didn't know what to do now. 

Days went by slowly and Phil wouldn't answer him if he tried to call or text. Dan guesses this is how Phil felt, Dan knew he deserved this. 

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. 

Three months. It had been three months since that last phone call. Dan hasn't heard anything from Phil since. 

Dan: hey

He tries messaging, it had been a while. 

Phil: hey

Dan: I'm sorry

Phil: I'm sorry too

Dan: can we Skype?

Phil: can't. I'm working late. 

Dan: oh okay

That's all the conversation was, it had been the first contact between them in three months. Dan felt kind of happy that they were okay now. 

He misses Phil so much. 

Dan: are you ignoring me again?

He never gets a reply, even as two more weeks pass. 

Phil couldn't take this anymore, he didn't want to avoid Dan but this job was full force now and it was taking up all of his time. He didn't get home until nearly midnight every night, that's like five am London time. He just didn't want to disturb Dan. 

He loved doing this but he missed Dan and his home so much. He couldn't wait for it to be over so he could just go back to Dan and film little YouTube videos on his own terms. 

"Hey Lester!" 

Phil sighs heavily as he walks past his boss's office, the guy he works for is nice but he works him like a dog. Phil was used to doing things on his own terms and this job made him completely change. He had to follow another person's orders now. 

"Yeah?" He pokes his head in the doorway. 

"Come, sit." 

Phil sits himself down in one of the chairs in front of Keith's desk. 

"How are you doing boy?" Keith asks, adjusting his glasses a bit. 

"Fine I guess. Just a little tired." Phil puts on a fake smile. 

"I had a conversation with Trev the other day..." Keith says. 

Phil feels himself sink a bit, he was ranting to Trev a lot about this job yesterday, and it wasn't all friendly.

"Oh..."

"It's alright, nothing bad." Keith says making Phil exhale a sigh of relief, "I just heard you're missing home a bit."

"Yeah. It's fun here though, being an assistant director for a big movie is like a dream... I just miss London and my friend is all." 

"The one boy that came to visit you a few months ago?"

"Yeah." Phil replies. 

"Well we're almost through filming, we'll probably wrap it up in about three more weeks actually. It went a lot quicker than I thought it would because we have a good crew." 

Three more weeks, then Phil could possibly be home. 

"But I have an opportunity for you."

Phil looked confused, "What?"

"We have a smaller thing planned and it's not a big movie or anything but I think it would be great if you'd come along with us, but not as an assistant director. As an actual director, you wouldn't be the only one of course because I don't think you're ready to freely direct on your own but you could be a major part of this." 

Phil was instantly conflicted, all of this was like some big weird dream. "How long- and where?"

"Probably eighteen months, it's smaller so we don't have as much crew. It will take longer." Keith shrugs like eighteen months is nothing. 

"Eighteen months..." Phil sighs, "Where?"

"Southern California." 

Phil felt crushed, he'd never be able to talk to Dan much. That's an eight hour time difference. And eighteen months?

"Oh wow..." Phil gulps. 

"You could direct Phil. You'd be wonderful at it, you have so much heart and you're amazing at everything you're doing now. You could go farther than making little YouTube videos in your bedroom." 

Phil wanted to speak up and say something along the lines of, "But I like doing those little YouTube videos in my bedroom thank you." But he didn't. 

"So?" Keith presses. 

"Can I think about it?" Phil asks. 

"Sure, the sooner you answer the better." Keith says, "Don't pass this big opportunity just because you miss your little buddy." 

Phil didn't say anything, mostly because he didn't have a nice non-snappy reply to that. 

He said goodbye to Keith before walking home, the sun was setting and he knew it was probably past three am in London. 

Phil: are you awake?

Phil texts Dan the second he gets back to his temporary home. 

Dan: yea

Phil: Skype. Please.

"What's wrong?" Dan asks, they hadn't talked much recently and he could tell that something was wrong with Phil. 

"Dan I-" Phil looked at Dan, "God I miss you." He sighs heavily. 

Dan chuckles a bit, "Is that all? I miss you too, you know that. Don't get all sappy on me." 

Phil rolls his eyes at Dan, "I got an opportunity to be an actual director." He blurts out. 

"That's wonderful!" Dan exclaims, "Like on the movie you're currently working on?"

Phil shakes his head, he sees Dan's face fall. 

"Oh."

"Yeah..." Phil sighs. 

"Where?" 

"Southern California." Phil replies, "Eighteen months long- but that's just an estimate usually it takes longer." 

Dan could feel his breathing pick up and his chest was constricting, could he take about two years without Phil?

"So you're going too-"

"I haven't said yes yet. I still have a little time to decide." Phil says. 

"I mean as much as I miss you that's an amazing thing to have offered to you..." 

"I know. I feel torn, I just want to come home but like... this is big. I'd be stupid if I turned it down." Phil said, "I'm just so stressed."

"Don't make yourself go grey there Phil." Dan teases and Phil rolls his eyes, "Just follow your heart."

"What kind of bullshit response is that?" Phil asks, "Especially coming from you." 

Dan shrugs, "I've changed." 

"No you haven't."

"Okay I haven't, but seriously. Do what you really want to do. I'll support you either way, that's what friends are for." Dan says, he felt so sad it was like cold water rushing through his veins. 

"No! You're supposed to be selfish and tell me to come home because you miss me." Phil groans, "You aren't making this easier."

"I'm sorry." Dan giggles lightly, "I just want you to be happy." 

"I thought you said not to get sappy." Phil smirks.

"Eh sap it up I don't care." Dan shrugs, "If directing in Southern California is gonna make you happier than being in London with boring old me making YouTube videos then do it." 

"But I want both." Phil whines. 

"Sometimes you can't have what you want... I'd be one to know that." Dan sighs. 

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Dan quickly answers. 

He definitely didn't mean anything about how he couldn't have Phil when he wanted him so badly. Definitely not. 

"So you really think I should take this job?" Phil asks. 

"Not what I said. I said if it will make you happier then do it. You deserve to be happy, don't stress yourself out. Just make the heart choice instead of the hard choice." 

"Don't get all speech-y on me." Phil says. "I think I might do it." 

Dan felt tears well up in his eyes, he hoped Phil couldn't see that through the webcam. "That's great." He fakes a smile. 

"I'm gonna be a director." Phil smiles big. 

Dan's breathing stutters, "Yeah... that's- that's-"

"Dan?" 

A tear falls down Dan's face and Phil sees it. It's immediately followed by another and another. 

"Bye Phil, have fun okay?" Dan hangs up the call and slams his laptop shut. 

He so badly wanted to be selfish and tell Phil not to go. He wanted Phil to come home, but that wouldn't be fair to Phil. 

Phil's happiness was more important than Dan's selfishness. 

Phil tried calling Dan back but he didn't get an answer, he texted him. 

Phil: Dan don't be upset please

No reply. 

Phil: I won't take it okay?

Dan: no, take it. This will be amazing for you, I'll come visit as often as I can I promise. Don't deny this offer just because of me being upset. 

Phil: are you sure?

Dan: yeah :)

Dan wanted to laugh as he sent the smiley face because he was crying his actual eyes out. 

He felt physical pain, he just wanted to be with Phil.

Phil went in to work a few days later.

"Hey Phil!" Keith greets. "Think about California any more?"

"I did actually." Phil replies with an excited smile, "I'll do it."

That night Phil calls Dan again, luckily he picks up. 

"Hey Phil." He sounds sad, Phil takes notice. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing." 

"It's not nothing." 

"It is nothing."

"Dan."

"Phil." 

They both sigh at the same time. 

"I took it." Phil says. 

Dan knows what he means and his chest hurts so badly. "Good, I'm happy for you."

"Cut the crap Dan." 

"I'm sad." Dan admits. 

"You don't want me to go." 

"I don't." Dan sighs. 

"Then I won't go." Phil says like it was simple.

"No! Don't do that- this job is an amazing thing. It's so much better for you than wasting your life here in London with me." Dan says.

"Dan." Phil sighs, "Maybe wasting my life away in London with you is what I want to do." 

"Why would you want that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" 

"I don't want to hold you back Phil." Dan says sadly, "I know how much this opportunity probably means to you, I don't want you to just not take it because of me."

"Maybe you mean more to me than this opportunity." 

"Don't be sappy." 

"Well damn it Dan pick one sappy or not sappy because you can't have both." Phil chuckles. 

Dan manages a light laugh, "Just do what you want."

"I will." 

"So you're gonna go to cali?" 

"Maybe." 

Dan huffs, "Phil just tell me so I know if I have to cry or not?" 

"Don't cry." Phil says.

"If you tell me to craft so help me-"

"I wasn't going to!" Phil laughs. 

"Just be happy Phil. That's what I want. Now what do you want?" 

"I want you to be happy." 

"Well forget me, this is about you." 

"You need to be happy too Dan." 

"Nah, that shits overrated." 

"Dan..."

"Please, don't let me influence anything. Be happy." Dan says. 

"Okay." Phil sighs, "Goodnight Dan."

"Goodnight Phil." 

Another week passes and Phil was still confused about everything. He didn't know what to do. 

In California he had nothing but a possible job. In London he had Dan, guaranteed happiness, and he had family. 

"What do I do? Ugh." Phil asks himself. He managed to sneak away to the bathroom for a minute to think. 

"Something on your mind?" Ryan comes out of nowhere. 

Phil rolls his eyes, "Yes."

"What's up?" 

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because you look like you need help and I could help a bit. I'm done trying to get in your pants don't worry, I have a boyfriend now." Ryan laughs. 

"Fine." Phil sighs, "Dan or California..." Phil explains everything to Ryan, and he actually listens. 

"I see." Ryan says, taking everything in. 

"What should I do?" Phil groans. 

"Well... are you two actually together yet?" Ryan asks. 

Phil's head snaps in his direction, "What?" 

"You and Dan. Are you together." Ryan says word for word as Phil gives him a blank stare. 

"We're friends? That's literally it."

Ryan rolls his eyes, "I swear to fucking god you two are made of concrete." 

"What?"

"Oblivious to everything, no matter how obvious something is even if it's smacking you right in your stupid faces." 

"I don't-"

"Okay whatever." Ryan sighs, "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know... that's the problem." 

"Okay well, think while I say this. Do you wanna go to California and direct a movie to fill some dream of yours? Or do you wanna go to London and be all comfy cozy in your lovely happy domestic life with Dan? Because if you go to California to fill some directing dream, won't you be leaving that dream you've already made come true in London behind? Which is more important." Ryan shrugs and Phil stares down at his shoes. "Good luck either way Phil." Ryan pats him on the shoulder and leaves. 

Phil releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. He stares at his reflection in the mirror like it had answers but it looked just as confused as he did.

"Hey Keith?" Phil steps into his office. 

"Yeah?"

"Got a minute to chat?"

"Sure, come in buddy." Keith was always way too enthusiastic about literally everything. 

Phil sits down in the chair across from his desk and takes a deep breath. 

"What's on your mind Phil?"

"I can't take that directing job." Phil says honestly, "I just can't."

Keith looks sad but understanding, "Is something wrong with it or?"

"No, I just... I don't want to leave behind what I already have. I like how my life is back in London and sure going to California and directing sounds super exciting but it's not me. It's not what I really want." 

"Okay..." Keith nods, "That one guy have any influence on this?"

"Who? Dan?" 

"Yeah." 

"He has quite a bit of influence on it actually..." Phil says. "Like he wants me to do what will make me happy, going to California will make me momentarily happy but what about the future? Will it always make me happy? I know being in London with Dan and doing YouTube will make me happy, but... I just don't know."

"I thought you really wanted to direct."

"I thought so too... but I've already made my life amazing. I have a lot of fans waiting for me to come back to YouTube, I can't let them down. Then there's Dan... if I go to California odds are our friendship will just dissipate, I can't have that. He's one of the most important people in my life and it would kill me to lose him." Phil explains further. 

Keith sighs, "I wish you the best Phil. If going back to London is what you want then do it, no hard feelings if you don't go to Cali." 

"Thank you. I just wanna be with Dan." Phil says honestly, "Being this far away from him for this long is destroying me enough already."

"You love him." Keith shrugs, "I mean I know it's not my place to make that accusation but..."

Phil thinks for a second, "I just don't know... all I do know is I don't really want California. I want to go home." 

"Then go, this movie is pretty much done. If you want to leave now then you can, it's only a week early." Keith smiles at him. 

"Really?" Phil asks, his heart racing at the thought of possibly seeing Dan for the first time in months. 

"Yeah, I think we can manage without you. We might be a little short on laughter but it's okay, go home." 

"Thank you so much." Phil says happily, he gives Keith an awkward one-armed hug before excitedly running out of his office. 

Dan was right, maybe he has turned into a hugger. 

"Woah, watch it speedy." Ryan says when Phil rounds a corner and collides with him. 

"Shit- I'm sorry Ry." Phil laughs. 

"You figure yourself out finally?"

"I did. I'm going home to Dan!" Phil chirps happily making Ryan smile and roll his eyes. 

"Good." Ryan says, "Don't let that one go." I'd kill to have someone love me like Dan loves you, Ryan debated on saying but he decided it wasn't his place. Dan deserves to be the one to tell Phil the truth. 

"What do you mean let him go?" Phil asks, his head tilting slightly in confusion. 

"Oh you'll find out. I can see the concrete layers of your obliviousness chipping away." Ryan laughs and makes a hammer and chisel motion to Phil's shoulder. 

Phil was still confused but he shrugs, "I guess this is goodbye because I'm leaving as soon as possible." 

"Goodbye Phil. It was fun aimlessly flirting with you while it lasted." Ryan jokes lightheartedly. 

Phil let's Ryan hug him.

"I'd tell you to call me some time in a friendly way if Dan wouldn't rip my throat out about it." Ryan laughs. 

Phil rolls his eyes, "You have fun with Blake."

"Oh baby I will." Ryan says in a suggestive tone of voice. 

Phil cringes, "Not what I meant-" he says, "But take care of yourself okay?" 

"Will do mother." Ryan rolls his eyes. 

Phil says his goodbyes to people as he leaves the building, not bothering to go to the actual set and say bye to people because they were taking it down anyway. 

He rushes to his apartment to book the closest flight to London he possibly could. 

There's one that leaves at two pm, it was ten in the morning. "I'm doing this." Luckily there was one seat left.

He shoved all of his stuff into his suitcases, not bothering to be neat. He didn't care about organization he just wanted to go home. 

It takes about an hour to get to the airport because of traffic but he still had an hour to spare. He doesn't know how but he wasn't going to question a good thing. 

He never texts or calls Dan, as far as Dan is concerned he's going to California. 

Well, surprise Dan. 

Phil's flight lands around midnight in London. He manages to get a car across town to the flat and a little after one am he was standing in front of the apartment door, messily stuffed suitcases behind him. 

"Dammit." He curses when he realizes he doesn't have any keys, he knocks on the door hoping Dan hears it to let him in before he starts annoyingly ringing the bell. 

He hears Dan on the other side of the door before the lock clicks and the door is pulled open. 

Dan looks at him and blinks, a blank expression on his face. He wordlessly steps back to let Phil pull his suitcases into the flat. 

Dan shuts the door, still seeming to be in this weird trance of 'is this actually happening?'.

"Surprise." Phil shrugs, giving Dan a smile as he just stares at him.

Realization slowly creeps up on Dan and his heart feels almost restored. He steps closer to Phil before wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him in to a gentle hug. 

Phil wraps his arms around Dan and smiles into his shoulder. 

"You're home?" Dan says questioningly. 

"I'm home." Phil replies. 

Dan hugs him tighter, "I thought you went to California."

"I'd miss you too much. I'm happier here." Phil says simply, just holding Dan in his arms. This just felt so right, he knows he made the right choice. 

Dan slowly let's himself pull back from Phil, he still just stared at him, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"

"I wanted to surprise you I guess." Phil shrugs, giving Dan a warm smile. "I'd rather be here with you than in boring old California directing some stupid movie any day." 

Dan can't wrap his mind around anything, except one thing. 

Phil was just looking at him, like he expected some wordy reply or answer. Dan didn't have one. 

Instead Dan just follows his heart, like Phil followed his heart. He leans in quickly and kisses him, slow and relaxed. 

Phil makes a small shocked noise and he tenses up.

Dan pulls away a few seconds later and now Phil was the one just staring at him. 

"I know you only see me as a friend, you made that clear. But I can't keep lying to you or myself- because dammit I love you." Dan shrugs, he somehow manages to say all of that without stuttering or having some random outburst of emotion. 

This all seemed so relaxed.

Phil didn't know what to say, he doesn't even know what to feel. 

His mind was a mess of 'oh god do I love Dan?' And 'what the fuck just happened?' He didn't know what to do. 

"Phil please say something." Dan sighs, "Don't shut me out, I'm perfectly okay with being friends with you. I just needed you to know that I love you... I didn't want to lie anymore." 

All of Phil's previously repressed thoughts were suddenly let loose and he was reminded of the fact that yeah, he loved Dan too. He just pushed it so far back in his mind that it wouldn't see the light of day. 

"Dan... I-" Phil swallows thickly, he couldn't finish speaking. 

"What?" Dan asks curiously, waiting for Phil's response was almost painful. 

Phil reaches up with shaky hands before wrapping his hand in the collar of Dan's shirt as he grabs it, he pulls him down quickly and kisses him like it was oxygen and he couldn't breathe. 

Their lips pressed together in bruising kisses, Dan felt this feeling of warm happiness flow through him.

Phil felt the same feeling in a different way, it was like a spark of warmth in his stomach reminding him of everything that made him feel happy and secure. Now this kiss was one of them, and this man he was kissing right now was his new definition of happiness. 

Dan has to pry Phil off of him when the need to breathe becomes too strong. Even then Phil chases his lips to get one last slow kiss. 

"I didn't-" Dan breathes unevenly, "I didn't think you liked me?" 

"I don't like you." Phil says and Dan looks mildly hurt for a second, then Phil tries to think of what to say now, "No like I do like you- I shouldn't have worded it like that. I guess I just mean that I love you too? So like I don't just like you, I love you." 

Dan rolls his eyes, "You're such a-"

"Don't you dare insult me right now Daniel." Phil smiles, this overwhelming sense of happiness made him feel almost light-headed. 

Dan abides to Phil's request and instead gets all sappy, "I've loved you for so damn long... you have no idea how hard it was to hide it."

"I've been told I'm made of concrete which is why I'm oblivious to these things." Phil chuckles. 

"You're so god damn cute... everything you do just makes me- I can't even think of words. I guess you can't completely describe someone you love because you make me feel this incomprehensible feeling... you make me so happy and I love you so much." Dan admits.

Phil almost felt himself tearing up, "I'm so glad I didn't go to California." 

"So am I. I wanted to tell you to just come home so badly but I wanted you to be happy over anything else." 

"I'm happy Dan. You make me happy." Phil says making Dan tear up. Now they were both all teary-eyed and in love. 

"Took you long enough to realize." Dan tries to joke but he just wanted to kiss Phil breathless. 

"I know, I know, but hey you could've said something about your love for me and moved it along quicker." Phil teases. 

"Shut up and kiss me you spoon." Dan replies. 

"You know I'm right, you just don't-" Phil is cut off by Dan's lips and he giggles against Dan's mouth. 

Dan presses his forehead against Phil's as he pulls their lips apart, resting his hand against the side of Phil's face. "I've waited like nine years for this." 

Phil pecks his lips making Dan practically melt because it was so cute. 

"Then who is stopping you from making up for lost time?" Phil asks with a cheeky wink. 

"You be quiet." Dan laughs before pressing another lingering peck to Phil's lips. 

"I can do what I want." Phil jokes before pushing Dan into the wall and kissing him with force. It was still cute and giggly between them. 

"Gosh Phil, what did New York do to you?" Dan laughs when Phil pulls away and stares him in the eyes. He was flush against the wall and Phil was flush against him. 

"Nothing." Phil shrugs, kissing the corner of Dan's mouth, "This is all me." He presses his lips to Dan's jaw and giggles. 

Dan laughs breathily, "You're such a dork I can't even." 

"You love me." Phil presses his lips to Dan's neck and he feels him shudder, "Don't lie." 

"I do." Dan replies. 

Phil moves back up to kiss Dan on the lips, pulling him back away from the wall as he does so. 

"Where are we going?" Dan asks, kissing Phil again.

Phil immediately pulls back as he keeps pulling Dan down the hallway, "Where do you wanna go?" 

"I wanna go exactly where you do." Dan laughs lightly, his heart was beating so fast. 

"Glad we agree." Phil smirks before pulling Dan down to return his lips to their proper place, which was against Dan's. 

They wind up in Dan's bedroom, trying not to trip on things as the walked to the bed, they tripped last minute and fell onto the bed in a giggly pile of lanky limbs. 

"Smooth Phil." Dan says, looking over at Phil fondly. 

"That was not my fault! You were the one going backwards." Phil playfully pushes Dan's shoulder. 

"You're the clumsiest." Dan teases. 

Phil rolls over on top of Dan and kisses him quickly, "Shut up." 

"Make me." 

"Are you testing me?" Phil asks. 

Dan goes to talk again but Phil shuts him up with his own lips. Dan gives in and let's Phil kiss him breathless once again, because face it, he was addicted to this already. 

A breathy noise leaves Dan's parted lips as Phil kisses down his neck. Phil giggles against his skin.

"Stop being so smug." Dan breathes. 

Phil just nips at his neck harder making him squirm and moan breathily. 

Phil takes his time, gently wearing Dan down in all of the ways he could think of so his mind would be on nothing but love. His lips press to Dan's neck and collarbones, his lips are followed by gentle traces of tongue and small bites. 

Dan felt so warm and floaty, he was gripping onto Phil and pulling him impossibly closer. 

Phil sits up, straddling Dan's lap, he runs his hands down his chest before gripping the hem of his t-shirt. 

Dan nods as he leans up so Phil can pull it off of him, Phil manages to fall forwards onto Dan in the process so his shirt gets stuck over his head. 

"Dammit Phil!" Dan curses while Phil laughs, Dan pulls the shirt off his face before throwing it, "If this is how it's always gonna go then I'll de-clothe myself next time thanks." 

"So fluffy." Phil teases and ruffles Dan's now messy wavy hair. 

"I'll end your actual life-" Dan swats Phil's hand away, "Okay stop we're supposed to be having a moment here."

"We are, this is going awkwardly yet perfectly. I think this perfectly sums us up don't you think?" Phil smiles brightly making Dan smile too. 

"Okay whatever." Dan sighs and crosses his arms, "Don't fall again." Dan says as Phil pulls off his own shirt. 

"Oh bite me." Phil retaliates, tossing his own shirt onto the floor. 

"I mean if you like that then gladly." 

Phil glares unenthusiastically, "And you're trying to get mad at me for ruining the moment." 

"You're right this is perfectly us isn't it?" Dan laughs. 

"We just can't have sappy moments can we?" Phil leans down to kiss Dan quickly, the warmth of their skin together makes them feel all tingly with delight.

Phil's hands move to unbutton Dan's jeans, Dan squirms around as he messes with the zipper. 

"Stop squirming I'm trying to get your pants off." Phil says and Dan laughs harder than he should. 

"Wow, who said romance is dead." 

Phil faceplants into Dan's shoulder, his body shaking with a silent laugh. 

Dan nudges Phil off of him before clumsily pulling at his own jeans, eventually getting them off even after they get stuck around his ankles. 

"That was the least coordinated thing I've ever seen." Phil teases as he stands up and unbuckles his belt. 

"Haven't you looked in a mirror?" Dan asks, laughing when Phil removes his belt and playfully hits him with it. 

Phil trips while trying to get out of his jeans and Dan smirks, "That right there Phil, that's called karma." Dan sits up and reaches for the middle drawer on his bedside table. 

"Your mum is karma." Phil gripes. 

"Let's not talk about my mother right now please." Dan subtly cringes as he slides the drawer open. 

"Good idea." 

"Don't look at me like that." Dan says as he pulls out a pretty much full bottle of lube and Phil gives him a knowing look. 

"So that's why you avoided me so much."

"I'm a busy guy Phil." Dan says before they both bust out laughing. 

"Yeah busy with yourself." 

Dan hits him with a pillow, "I hate that you're right you ass." 

Phil chuckles before telling Dan he'll be right back, he returns a minute later. 

"Look at us working together." Dan says making Phil roll his eyes. 

"You're lucky you're cute and half-naked or I'd literally leave right now." Phil says, leaning down to kiss Dan as he throws the condom he just grabbed next to the lube bottle. 

"No you wouldn't, you came home to me for a reason." Dan says, nipping at Phil's bottom lip. 

"I didn't expect you to kiss me when I walked through the door. I thought we'd just go and watch a movie and be buddies but here we are half-naked in your bed about to have literal sex." 

Dan chokes a laugh, "Wow I love how you talk dirty." 

"Oh my god." Phil hangs his head and laughs, "We need to stop." 

"Okay, okay. Serious." Dan says before pulling Phil down to kiss him. 

Their lips work together, kissing and biting. Phil slips his tongue into Dan's mouth and Dan makes a small noise that Phil would die to hear again. 

Phil gently traces his hands down Dan's bare sides as they kiss, tongue on tongue. 

Phil grips Dan's hips as they get into making out, he presses his hips to Dan's making Dan inhale sharply. 

Phil slows the kiss back down, Dan let's him take control. Kissing soft and slow, Dan felt his heart beat and he felt so full of love and admiration. 

Phil slowly presses his hips to Dan's over and over, Dan grips his shoulders and breathes out softly, small noises leaving his lips as Phil kisses his neck and grinds against him. 

"Please." Dan breathes out suddenly.

"You want too?" Phil asks just to make sure. 

"Yes." Dan replies, receiving a quick lip kiss from Phil. 

Phil quickly removes their current layer of clothing so they were both completely open. 

Dan couldn't hide the fact that he was blushing considering his face and his chest were red from it. He felt Phil's eyes on him, every part of him. 

Phil kneels at the end of the bed and grabs the lube. Dan shyly bends his legs at the knees.

"You're okay with this?" Phil asks as he snaps open the cap on the small bottle. 

"Yeah." Dan replies truthfully. 

For a while the shaky nervous air was gone as they made jokes and sassy remarks, but now it was back and they both felt nervous but they wanted this. 

"Hey." Phil gets Dan's attention, "I love you." Dan visibly relaxes after he hears Phil's words. 

"I love you too." Dan breathes out, letting himself just sink into the mattress so Phil can take care of him. 

Phil messily coats his fingers with lube, it's like he suddenly forgot how to do this because he was so nervous. He just loved Dan so much and didn't want to mess up but he knew Dan felt the exact same way. 

Phil presses his lips to Dan's inner thigh as he slowly presses a finger into him, luckily he seemed kind of stretched already- God only knows what Dan's been doing alone- so this wouldn't take as long and they could go to the good part. 

Phil was slow with all of his movements, he didn't want this to be over quickly.

He gently pushes his fingers further into Dan, watching as his jaw falls open and his toes curl. He continues rubbing against that spot and a soft breathy noise escapes Dan's lips. 

"Phil..." Dan moans softly as his breathing hitches. "Okay I'm okay- I want you- please..." Dan breathes, sounding a bit needy but Phil didn't mind. 

Phil wipes the lube off of his fingers onto a discarded item of clothing before pulling his boxers off- managing to not fall this time. 

"Hand me- thanks love." Phil gives Dan a small smile as he takes the condom from his hand. 

He rips it open with his teeth making Dan cringe, "Why does everyone do that?" 

"Well my other hand is lube-y and slippery, that's my excuse." 

Dan rolls his eyes fondly as Phil leans back over him, leaning down to press their lips together in a soft kiss. 

Dan wraps his arms around Phil's shoulders, pulling him closer as they kiss for a moment. 

Dan bites his lip, looking a bit nervous as Phil pulls back. 

"You alright?" Phil asks, a soft expression adorned his features and Dan's heart fluttered. 

"Yeah it's just been a while and I don't want to mess up because it's you and I actually love you-" Dan cuts himself off with a deep huff.

"I've been thinking the same exact thing. Don't worry because I love you too alright?"

"Alright, I'm okay." Dan gives him a reassuring smile, he wanted this and he was fine. Phil wasn't going to leave him after, he'd surely stay and cuddle and love on him with sweet kisses and that's all Dan could ever ask for especially from Phil. 

"Stop it." Phil kisses Dan to make him quit chewing on his bottom lip. 

Dan blushes and gives him a small smile, he leans up and closes the gap between his lips and Phil's, kissing him again.

Phil pushes into Dan slowly, taking his time. 

Dan's eyes fall softly closed and he gasps, the air leaving his lungs shakily. 

He opens his eyes when he feels Phil's chest press to his, their bodies completely connected and touching. 

Dan doesn't know how to put this feeling into words, it was immense and lovely and it felt so powerful. Just being this close with the person he loved more than anything made him tear up a bit. 

Phil noticed his glossy eyes, "You alright?" 

"Yeah- I'm just... emotional." Dan admits, he's always been a sap about everything especially when it comes to crying over things. 

"That's okay." Phil gives him a warm smile and kisses him softly. 

Their tongues tangle as Phil slowly moves, loving Dan gently. Dan was drowning in the affection and he loved it, he had never felt this wanted in his life. 

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's back, letting his nails softly dig into his pale skin. Soft gasps and moans leave his lips as he lightly drags his nails down Phil's back. 

Phil shudders from the feeling, a deep moan leaving his lips. Dan grips onto him harder. 

"Phil please..." Dan breathes.

Phil follows Dan's request but still keeps it slow so it would last. That's all he wanted.

"Ah-" The noises leaving Dan's lips made Phil feel warm and fuzzy with love because he was making Dan feel this way. Dan loved him. 

A particularly loud noise leaves Dan when Phil snaps his hips forward a little harder, "Phil- fuck-"

As much as Dan wanted this to last his body was responding all too well to Phil's actions and he already felt close. 

Phil runs his hands up and down Dan's sides, touching him gently. 

A long drawn out hum comes from Dan as his back arches a bit, he wraps his legs around Phil's waist almost like an instinct. Phil falls forward, catching himself on his elbows.

He giggles lightly before kissing Dan.

"Sorry." Dan mutters, his breathing heavy. 

"Don't be." Phil kisses his shoulder.

Phil gets a bit rougher but it was nowhere near fast and sloppy- it was perfect. Dan was clinging to him and breathing out beautiful noises of pleasure- it made Phil feel so good in every way possible. 

"Phil-" Dan grabs Phil tightly, his breathing hitching. 

"Hmm?" Phil doesn't stop but he shifts his hips a bit making Dan release a high pitched noise. 

"Oh fuck-" Dan moans through gritted teeth, he tries to make himself relax again, letting his body be taken by Phil as he falls into the euphoric tingly feeling of release, "I'm- I-" 

Phil reaches down between them to grab Dan's cock and stroke him quickly, Dan got progressively louder and more squirmy.

Phil feels that tightness in his stomach and his movements get sloppy but he keeps it slow. He kisses Dan and hums in pleasure against his lips. 

He pulls back and stares down at Dan, Dan was looking right back up at him like he was the world. The look in his eyes made Phil's heart skip several beats. 

They kiss again until breathing was a necessity and Phil's hand works along Dan's cock faster making him moan deeply. 

"Phil." Dan breathes, he couldn't hold back any longer and if he didn't let himself come soon then he'd probably just explode.

Phil moans with a shaky breath as Dan clenches around him, the pressure felt so good he couldn't control himself. 

Dan's back arches and he grips onto Phil tightly as he lets go, Phil lets out a small noise as he comes with Dan. Both of them falling into a state of loved out bliss. 

Dan sighs, "Fuck."

"I'm not sure that's what you meant to say." Phil teases lightly, his body was worn out and needed to reload before he did anything else. 

Dan smiles at Phil sleepily.

Phil pulls out and stands up, managing to clean both Dan and himself up before Dan complained too much because he wanted to cuddle. 

"You like cuddling after sex I'm guessing?" Phil giggles into Dan's hair as Dan nuzzles into his neck. 

"I always like to cuddle. Nobody ever wants to cuddle me though." 

"I'll gladly cuddle you, my adorable curly boy." Phil kisses Dan's forehead. 

"Phil I'm so happy right now." Dan sighs, unable to put anything into words other than he was happy. 

"Me too baby." 

"Mm call me that again." Dan giggles. 

"Baby." Phil mocks himself, making Dan hug him tighter. "You're an actual fluff, Dan."

"I love being a fluff." Dan yawns.

They fall into a comfortable silence, just the sounds of their breathing filling the air. 

"Hey Phil?" 

"Yes Dan?"

"I'm so happy you didn't go to California."

"I am too, I'm glad I realized that I have all I need right here." Phil moves to press a soft kiss to Dan's lips. 

Dan smiles then immediately shoves his face back into the crook of Phil's neck. Warmth. 

"Sap." Dan teases. 

"Fluff." Phil retaliates.

"I'm glad I decided to kiss you." Dan says. 

"I'm glad you did too." 

"Happiness." Dan sighs, letting the word fall from his lips. That's what this moment was, just pure happiness. 

Phil squeezes Dan tighter, making him feel more secure, "Home."

This was home, no where else and no one else could ever make him feel this happy. 

This sleepy boy in his arms changed his life for the better just as Phil in return changed his. They were so good for each other, Phil couldn't possibly think of a better match. 

"Goodnight Phil." Dan yawns against Phil's warm skin, "I love you."

"Goodnight Dan." Phil smiles and breaths in his scent, he smells like warm. "I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> As always kudos and comments are appreciated. 
> 
> I love hearing what you think!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading :)


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